We arrived at the hotel this afternoon and Sadie is so excited. She has not taken a single step without a jump included. We could not change and head to the pool fast enough for her. She was so impressed with the incredible kiddie pool, the water slides and amazing toys. Even the menu for lunch by the pool was incredible for kids. We feel beyond blessed and came back to our room excited to run to the grocery store for some snacks. When we arrived, a hotel employee was standing at our door about to deliver some cupcakes, snacks and drinks from the hotel manager. Once again, I was so touched and Sadie lit up and has been happily dancing around our room with her cupcake in hand. I look forward to writing them a note when I leave, as this is an amazing gift to our family and, although losing Hope has been horrible, we have felt so much love and find the strength to get through each day.
As we sat by the pool today and I saw all the families there with their children, I wondered if they knew how blessed they were. Did they realize that life is unpredictable and there are no guarantees? Were they enjoying the smiles from their children and the time they were able to spend with them? I find that in some moments I am so happy to be with Sadie and soak in the opportunity to spend time with her. At other times I feel broken and struggle to be a mom when I feel like having a shower so I can sit on the floor and cry in the bathroom.
We continue to feel that people are praying us through this tragedy. We still look at pictures of Hope often in the day, notice every heart that someone is wearing and long to hold her again. I continue to pray that her life, short as it was, will greatly impact the kingdom and give some purpose to our pain.
Hope, I wish you were splashing next to your sister. At the same time, I am jealous that you are face to face with Jesus. That thought makes it easier for me to smile, even though you're no longer here.
Your posts are so beautiful Amy, thank-you for sharing. I have many tears and smile when I know you are smiling. I'm so glad you are able to enjoy some time with Sadie and Shawn. I have been called in to the family doctor tommorow to find out about some bloodwork for Kaiya's sibling and am praying that it doesn't show anything abnormal, such as the low anti-trypsin levels that gave Kaiya her liver disease. It is genetic, after all. Also praying that if he does have Alpha one like his sister, that his liver and lungs wont be as badly affected as is the case with some people with the disease. Turns out I am pretty nervous about the outcome, and really wish someone were going with me. The kids dad has been working out of the area on and off for awhile now, but I do not care to wonder all weekend what the results are. Our son Evan isn't feeling well today either, ironically, and even had a school project due tomorrow as well, after a field trip this week, and another move to a new house last week. We are all just barely getting settled. We had him tested for allergies as well, since he has a random, somewhat persistant cough, and since the anti-trypsin affects the lungs as well..they suggested the allergy test in case it didn't necessarily have to do with the A1AD stuff. Anyways I felt compelled to share back with you. I look forward to reading about more happier times for your family. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteBless your sweet broken heart, Amy.
ReplyDeleteJesus is pouring out His love on you from heaven in the form of cupcakes and free hotel rooms
to remind you that He will never leave you or forsake you!
I LOVE reading your blog and check it every day. I pray for your hearts to be covered by His wings of protection from more pain than you can bear and for unexplainable, crazy JOY in the midst of everything...
Aloha:)
It's great to hear you guys are enjoying your time together! You and your family are in my thoughts everyday. Thank you for continuing to write!!
ReplyDeleteI wanted you to know..I get that life is unpredictable and that there are no guarantees. And I enjoy every smile..thank you for sharing your Hope with us. I live today because of your days leading up to this day. I am so undone by your loss, and yet it has served a purpose. I will love my children better, deeper and more carefully because of your hope..Hope. I pray for your journey through this. Courage.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I see people watching us - with our happy little family - and I want to somehow let them know we haven't always been like this... But God brought is through and healed us. That's going to be you, Amy. Your story continues - and you're covered in prayer.
ReplyDeleteWhat a nice gift from God that hotel is to you...wow
ReplyDeleteI love that you are experiencing such a beautiful part of this world. To think this is the temporary home God gave us - I can't imagine what Hope is seeing in Heaven! I feel that even though you are separated, you are connected through God's creation.
ReplyDeletePS- Go Hyatt!
What a lovely gesture and how wonderful Sadie is so happy. I know there must be sadness wrapped around these lovely things too, and I'm impressed by you for seeing the goodness.
ReplyDeleteI think you've struck on something really powerful... this idea of looking at others and sensing we know something about them. I really struggle with that when I see a pregnant woman or a young family, as my husband and I have lost two babies now and don't have any other children. But we never know what someone else has gone through or what their struggles are. Maybe some of those couples are fighting. Maybe some of those children were hard-earned. Maybe someone is looking at you and your husband and your beautiful daughter and making assumptions about your happiness. Pain and loss are often things we can't see. Because you share with all of us, we can see yours and be here for you.
Much love to you and your family, Amy.
Jennifer <3
There have been many times that I have wanted to respond to your posts, but didn't know what to say... As many others have written, be assured that you are being covered in thoughts and prayers every moment of every day, and it will continue. I have been so blessed by reading your blog and getting to know all of you through it, but also by increasing my knowledge of our Heavenly Father and His love for us as I read. Thank you for continuing to allow us to share in your life and experiences. May God continue to bless you richly, comfort you deeply and love you eternally.
ReplyDeleteI too don't feel I have had the right words to say. I continue to pray for you and your family. I found your blogs, posted by dear friends of yours, on facebook. I have read them, with many tears, and I appreciate and admire your honesty. With every post and thought, you continue to inspire me to be a better mother, to cherish life and laughter, and to be a better woman of God, to release all to Him. I thank you for your inspiration and courage, despite your tremendous pain. May God continue to provide for you and give you small pieces of sunshine to carry you through each day.
ReplyDeleteI have always wanted to post a response as well but have trouble turning my thoughts into words. Thank you for continuing to write as I always like to know how I can pray for you and your beautiful family. Hope's life will always be remembered. God bless
ReplyDeleteI, too, have never commented before but have been reading your blog daily since November and have shared it with others as well. Please know that you and your family are held in thoughts and prayers of so many, including those who have never let you know. Your Hope has touched us all, through your honest and articulate writing, We share your pain, your sorrow, your moments of joy. And most of all, we offer you compassion and wish you strength. I am delighted that you are being blessed with kindness and care.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I can't tell you how reading your posts about dear Hope and weeping on the bathroom floor bring me back to my early days without Eva. Thank you for sharing your pain. Trust me that I know how you feel in so many ways, although the journey of grief is a lonely one and nobody walks exactly the same road. I think and pray for you and your family often. I also often turn my thoughts heavenwards and think of our little girls up there on Jesus' knee.
ReplyDelete<3 Em
Hi Amy,
ReplyDeleteToday I went to Church for the first time since I was a young girl. Hope drew me back to the Lord and I was welcomed with open arms.
If I had any doubt or fear in my heart, it was all completely erased when the first song began - "Hope of Heaven".
Thank you, Hope, for bringing me back to God.
Sarah