Patience, where art thou??

I believe that sleep and patience go hand in hand.  If you have one, you have them both.  If you're missing one, you lose them both.  After taking Hope out on a pass, we came back to the hospital around 9 pm.  She had been fairly good all day and seemed to be herself.  As soon as they started running her feed, she began screaming and was miserable.  When the nurse checked her stomach contents, they found her last two feeds sitting in there, undigested.

Once the food was taken off, she seemed a lot more comfortable and began to settle.  The doctor decided she needed to be fed through the night regardless.  She stirred and woke up constantly through the night.  She was so uncomfortable and couldn't seem to get into a deep sleep.

This morning the nurse pulled a full undigested feed from her tummy and decided to stop feeding her.  The doctor on this morning agreed that it wasn't helping her to keep pushing food in.  She's now on a full diet of pedialite.  This is not great for her weight gain, but will give her tummy some time to heal and get better.  She's been having some much needed naps today and appears to be happier without her feeds going in.  They feel that her cold has gone down into her digestive track and is causing all these problems.  They believe it will resolve on it's own over time.

I'm exhausted, and therefore extremely impatient.  When Shawn suggested that her cold wasn't the problem and that we should switch formulas I lost it.  It was almost as if he'd personally insulted me and I responded with everything but love.  When Sadie wanted my attention during her visit and the doctor was here trying to speak to me, she got my angry mom voice.  That voice is making too many appearances for my liking these days.

During rounds we were told that her MRI has been cancelled for this week as anaesthesiology is not willing to touch her until her "cold" is gone.  That means another full week here with nothing to do.  We were also told that we have to get through all her symptoms and THEN wait another 3 weeks before her heart surgery.  That means we are delayed another full week.  I'm starting to wonder if I should have someone bring up our Christmas stockings.

Life seems overwhelming today.  I know that a new day comes with new perspective and that a good sleep can drastically change my attitude.  Lack of sleep, bad news and whiny children is not a reason to speak poorly to those I love.  Please pray that I would find patience, even in my weakest moments to love those around me.  We're all struggling and it's not fair to pretend I'm the only one that had a difficult day.  Please continue to pray that Hope would recover from this bug and get back on her feeds without too much weight loss.  Most of all, please pray she doesn't get another cold before her surgery. We are asking that anyone who plans to come anywhere near us before then, gets their flu shot!  Thank you for caring, even when I sound like a complainer.