I spent the weekend getting ready for Hope. I started by washing all of our newborn and 0-3 month clothes from Sadie, as well as the ones I've been able to pick up for Hope. As I began folding them, I realized that a lot of Sadie's things are not going to work for Hope. All of the newborn sleepers, over the head shirts and pants had to be put directly back into the storage bin. This was tough for me, you picture your next child being able to use all these nice things and never consider that they'll spend their entire newborn stage in the NICU. I was able to put some of the 0-3 month clothes that won't work at the hospital, but will work at home, into the drawers in the nursery. This was a total leap of faith for me and was a little harder than I had imagined. I know that it's important to move forward and prepare for Hope with all the faith and hope that God can give us. I also realize that there is a chance I'll be packing all those clothes away if Hope doesn't make it home.
When I finished I felt like I needed to push myself further, so I washed all the 3-6 month clothes. I know that Hope will keep us very busy and we won't have a lot of free time on our hands after she arrives. As a result, I knew it was better to be prepared in advance for her and not doing things at the last minute. As I folded these larger clothes I looked over at Shawn and said, "do you think she'll ever get to wear these?" He is much stronger than I am at times and simply said, "we're going to hope so!" So, the drawers in the nursery are full of clean clothes that are waiting for Hope to fill. I truly pray that she'll be able to enjoy each piece and be here for a long time, wearing all of Sadie's clothes that still sit in storage.
Last Thursday night, we went to a small group of grade 12 students from Centre Street Church to share more about our current journey. These students were such a blessing to us and presented us with some beautiful things that represented Hope to them. Shawn was able to hang the pictures on the wall of the nursery this weekend that one of the students had drawn so beautifully. It will be such a gift to tell Hope about all the people that loved her before she was born.
This is a week free of doctor's appointments, I think it will be good for Sadie. Lately she's been getting a little nervous when I leave, I think all the babysitters are starting to get to her after all these weeks of appointments. Next week we leave her with some friends as we travel to Edmonton for 2 nights and 3 days. Although I feel terrible leaving her, I know it's good preparation for the months we'll be in Edmonton and she'll have to be loved by others as we focus on Hope.
Please pray for us as we deal with the reality of trusting Sadie's care to our friends and family and the feelings of guilt that sometimes creep in. Continue to pray against the narrowing of Hope's hole in her heart and for her continued growth. If you've seen me in the last week, you know that she's sure growing!! Please also pray for the company Shawn works for as they make decisions about his leave of absence and whether or not they will pay him during this time. Thank you!