Today I am trying to remind myself, by the minute, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm on my own with the girls today. My friends work tirelessly to try and have someone here to help me each day. That is not an easy task on it's own, but there are days when someone is scheduled but illness keeps them away. It's not something that can be avoided and no one is to blame. I often feel like saying, "please come anyway!!" But I know that it's not worth the risk to Hope and, if I can just survive one hour at a time, eventually the day will end!
Today is one of those days, I'm alone. I decided to try and get out to break up the day, so we packed up to meet Shawn outside in a park for lunch. It's not easy to leave the house and takes me hours to get everything together and work around Hope's feeds. We finally made it and had just met up with Daddy when Hope began throwing up all over herself. She proceeded to cry for the majority of the time we spent with Shawn. When I got home, after Hope had screamed for the entire drive, Sadie looked as though she might actually sleep. She has not napped for the last two weeks and is trying to avoid napping at all costs. She is visibly exhausted and I need her to nap more than I can express!
I begged God to let Sadie stay tired and spare me from the stress of an afternoon with them both, apparently He felt I didn't need the break. Sadie and I have been fighting back and forth for the last 70 minutes. I have tried everything with her but her stubborn will prevails. Each time I go in she is rubbing her eyes, but refuses to give in and surrender to sleep. She is also not just playing quietly, she is standing at her bedroom door and yelling for me......such a peaceful afternoon.
Hope has finally stopped screaming herself as I am currently blogging, pumping, running her feed and bouncing her chair with my foot. Multitasking sounds too simple to explain what I'm currently undertaking. You're probably wondering why I said there was light at the end of the tunnel.....I'm getting to that.
I got a call from our nursing care company, we have a nurse coming to the house Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday night! They are working to book someone for tonight as well but haven't found someone just yet. Our coverage renews on July 1st, as a result, we're able to have a lot of extra help for the rest of June. The problem has been finding a pediatric nurse to fill the need on such short notice. I continually remind myself today that I am going to sleep all weekend long! (at night at least).
We have also had a huge answer to prayer. We found a nurse to watch Hope so we can go to church! This Sunday will be our first week at church since the second week in March. We are really looking forward to being fed spiritually and to Sadie being able to play with her friends in the nursery.
All that to say, some days are terrible, they feel like they will never end. But I am spurred on when I know that tomorrow will be better and the days ahead are going to involve more sleeping. Well, Hope has started to scream again...time to stop blogging!