Thursday, 21 February 2013

He Gives and Takes Away

We always hold back excitement.  This does not stem from a lack of faith.  We believe that God is capable of healing Hope completely.  He could put a whole heart in her body as she sleeps this very moment.  We hold back because of experience.  We have learned that getting excited and having that excitement shattered, is very painful.

This morning Hope was taken for her liver ultrasound in the morning.  In the afternoon I was told that it does not appear that anything has changed.  The portal vein is still clotted and there are no obvious signs of improvement.  I guess I'm hoping it was a bad picture and they're not 100% sure, but they never said that.

I feel like we tasted the beauty of Hope's future for a short time, but had it taken away once again.  We will continue to pray that her life will be miraculously spared and that we will have the privilege of watching her grow up.

I feel as though I've been in and out of the hospital for the last two weeks.  When Hope first went into the hospital I postponed everything and assumed I would rebook at a later time.  After 6 months I'm realizing that I need to go to the dentist and all the other doctors in life.  I have been booking appointments that are past due and trying to arrange getting everywhere I need to be.  It's not easy, but it is nice to cross something off my to do list.  I need to learn to live life with a child in the hospital and another one at home.

They were hoping to start Hope on feeds today but with some support from the staff, I convinced them not to.  Tomorrow a friend will be having blood tests done to make her eligible to donate milk to Hope.  In 1-3 days those tests will be back and we'll be able to start feeding Hope once again.  I would rather wait the 1-3 days and give Hope breast milk than start her on a feed I expect to cause problems.  I am deeply hoping this works and we can get out of the hospital!

I believe that God gives to us, but He also takes away.  I pray that He gives us Hope and does not take her away.  At the same time I pray that He takes away fear and doubt in my life and gives me faith and patience.  Some days I come to God asking for so many things.  I wonder if He feels like Santa as I go through my wish list.  Yet, I also have so many things to thank Him for.  God has given us children, something many families dream of.  God has provided for all of our needs; I am not hungry, naked or cold.  Although I have so many days that I beg God for a miracle in Hope, I also thank Him for each day I have with her.


  1. I'm in Mississauga, and currently breastfeeding, is there any way I can be of help? I know medical staff carry organs across the world, would they be able to ship milk?

  2. Since the day that Baby Hope was first lifted up in prayer at our little church in Quakertown, PA there is rarely a day that I do not lift her and your family up in my morning prayers. Baby Hope is such a testament to the power of prayer. As I just glanced through some of the older posts and comments and see that people are praying for this child across the world truly gives merit and testimony to “Never stop praying (1 Thess 5:17 )…you can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it (Matt21:22).” I will continue to pray for Baby Hope and your family. God Bless you all :)

  3. Hi Amy, I'm breastfeeding our fourth (5 months) here in Airdrie. If you need more people to donate milk, please let me know. You can find me on facebook - Susan Bernhardt. You and your precious baby are in our prayers.

  4. Hi Amy...I'm praying for you and your precious family from Mount Pearl, Newfoundland.You're on a very difficult journey must continue to trust God to give you the strength and all will be well. Sylvia Pelley