Tuesday, 12 February 2013


Tonight I continue to struggle with an issue that I've had for the last few weeks.  I am completely exhausted, yet unable to sleep.  I have experienced a slight version of this during my pregnancies, but have never had sleepless nights otherwise.

Today I made the difficult decision to leave Hope alone (with a nurse in the room) for over an hour.  I battled the idea of her being alone and worried that she'd cry and no one would comfort her.  At least not as quickly as I would have.  I found out at 11:30 that Calgary was not able to find a bed for Hope and we would be here another day.  I spent much of the day in bed with Hope and snuggling in a chair.  Just after 3:00 I suddenly felt overcome with exhaustion and my body was aching.  I worried I may be sick and made the decision to protect Hope by leaving her alone.

I came back to the apartment and crawled into bed.  I lay in bed for a couple of hours but could not fall asleep.  I ended up on the couch watching tv all night.  I crawled into bed exhausted, but after over an hour of trying to fall asleep, I'm still awake.  When I do fall asleep, my body is naturally waking me up really early.  I'm much too tired to be waking up as though I've had enough sleep.  I'm not sure why this is happening, but I am absolutely exhausted and truly worried that if I don't get a good sleep, I'm going to get sick.

I am hopeful that Calgary is able to take Hope tomorrow.  I need to get back to sleeping in my own bed, spending time with Sadie and having Shawn around daily.  If I'm not sleeping in the next week or two, I may need to go to the doctor for some help.  I simply cannot function on such little sleep for much longer.  Please pray that the patients in Calgary would get healthy and go home so we can have their bed!!

This morning in rounds the Cardiologist said that Hope needs to be on TPN for 4 weeks before her feeds are re-introduced.  This is terrible news for me, Hope has only been on pure TPN for 1 week.  That means we have another 3 weeks of TPN and then the time that it takes to establish full feeds before we can go home.  My dream of making it home in February is shattered and March seems optimistic.  I do not want to spend Hope's 1st birthday in the hospital and I'm tired of not being there for Sadie.  I need Hope to do extremely well on the TPN and for the doctors to change their minds.  I am praying that she will shock them all and be back on full feeds before they expect.  I'm not sure I have another month in me, I'm tired and I just really want a break from this life in the hospital.

Lord, please give me the strength I need to walk into the hospital tomorrow with hardly any rest tonight.  Give me the strength to be there for my helpless little girl who needs to be loved.  Please get me home to the rest of my family so I do not have to do this alone.  


  1. Praying that you would get the rest you need and be home with your family soon - from another sleepless mom.

  2. I will be praying for you, Amy. I hope today brings some fresh encouragement, rest and a very deep awareness of God's arms carrying you. Love, Rosalind (Scotland)

  3. 1Pet 5:10 Jehovah bless you and yours.

  4. Exhaustion can do strange things to your body. It is like you are on high alert all the time. One would think the opposite but that is untrue. A visit to the doctor sooner than later might be a good idea. Please try to remember that when you are not actually 'with' Hope, there are prayers and healing thoughts being sent from all over the world. With the time differences throughout the Universe, this means comfort for you and your family on a 24/7 basis. BREATHE. Count your blessings. Let your mind wander to a perfect time in your life. And we will watch over HOPE.

  5. Do you meditate? If so, here is a good guided meditation to help ease you into slumber. I personally like the YouTube contributions of TheHonestGuys.


  6. Praying for you and that your able to get some really good sleep. When that happens to me I take over the counter advil PM. it's helped.
    Praying for your whole family...

  7. We are certainly praying for you. By the sounds of it your body is depleted from too many days and nights on the emotional roller coaster. Take time for rest, free from guilt and know that your baby is loved by others (even the nurses). This time in Edmonton has been clearly been difficult for you, and we pray against depression and exhaustion. Look forward to seeing you in Calgary!


  8. Oh Amy... my heart is heavy for you this morning. From our hospital room to yours, I am praying for the gift of rest, of home, of family to be yours this week. That a spot would open up and you'd find rest and sleep tonight. Love and prayers from Toronto.

  9. Praying for you.

    Psalm 55:22
    Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
    he will never let
    the righteous be shaken.

  10. Amy,
    Try taking a Magnesium supplement as a sleep aid.

  11. You don't know me but I've been following your story through those that do. I am praying for you and baby Hope. May God bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May you find rest and renewed energy. You are stronger than you think.

  12. Dear Amy.... We r praying... I understand the lack of sleep, I deal with this a lot. I have taken valerian root , which is a natural sleep aid. It does help. Also a natural stress aid is called stress j... It really helps with the stress hormone levels.. It's worth a shot... We will keep u all in our prayers... The Oman family.

  13. Dear Amy,
    I know you don't know me but my husband Matt knows your husband through ultimate Frisbee...
    I've been praying for you and your family and God put psalm 16 on my heart for you to claim:
    "I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.
    I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
    Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
    my body also will rest secure,
    because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
    nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
    You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
    I pray that you are able to feel that He is holding your right hand during the day and night and that you will not be shaken and your body will be able to rest secure.
    I truly admire your strength and faith and pray that God would keep pouring out His faith into your heart as you walk through this hard time.
    Lots of love,
    Maike Faszer

  14. Amy,

    I don't know you but some of my friends do. I can't even fathom what you are going through but I do pray for you and your family regularly.

    On the sleep front you may want to try GUNA Sleep. You can order it on the internet. All natural, not habit forming. It was on Dr. Oz and the Dr. that was talking about it has had great results in his medical practice.


  15. Another thing you could try is melatonin. It is the sleep hormone and you can buy it over the counter at any pharmacy. I have used it with lots of success and it does not make me feel groggy when I wake up as some sleeping pills can do. It doesn't work for everyone but it is relatively cheap and worth a try.

  16. Oh Amy, my heart aches for you & your family! I will be praying for rest to cover your body. The Lord blesses His children with rest. Put God's word on as you rest. Let it soak & renew your mind, your tired body & soul. Believing still for miracles for your Hope! `Norway.

  17. Dear Amy, I will be praying for sleep....from a mom who has also experienced sleeplessness over her children. May God be your strength however He answers these prayers!

  18. It's great that you're getting support and well-meaning advice from so many people, but I hope you're under the care of a physician yourself.