I feel guilty when I'm frustrated in my current situation. God has answered so many of our prayers and it feels like I'm not thankful when I'm frustrated. The very fact that Hope is alive shows how blessed we truly are. I am human, and I can't help feeling down when things aren't going well.
Hope's heart is strong and doing well, for that we are very thankful. Unfortunately, Hope's stomach is not doing well. After reaching only 5mls an hour, Hope began to show signs of not tolerating her feed. I'm not sure what they'll do at this point. If we lose Hope's PICC line, we will be in BIG trouble. Knowing that Hope does not do well with lines, and this one has been in for 3 weeks, we need to stop relying on it. This is not possible until Hope is receiving enough nutrients from her food alone.
We're beginning to wonder if we should push to return to Calgary at this point. We're not sure if we really need to be in Edmonton any longer. We're going to talk with the staff today and find out what they think about this idea. There are downfalls to both locations, it's inconvenient either way.
Please pray for wisdom for the doctors. We've learned that dealing with stomach issues is extremely frustrating. The doctors rarely come to see Hope, are extremely vague in Calgary AND Edmonton. We don't seem to make any progress and are usually making the decisions about her care ourselves. This sounds arrogant, but I feel like I'm qualified to be a GI specialist after my experience with them. I just want a GI doctor to pick up Hope's cause and be passionate about seeing her through. Hope needs food to live.
Last night as Shawn and I were in bed, I cried and told him that all I wanted was my two girls in one house. It sounds so simple, and yet it feels completely impossible. I'm tired and my energy is low, I need a glimmer of Hope that we can get out of the hospital soon. Shawn is trying to encourage me and I need to be careful not to tear down his positive attitude. I'm praying today has some positive news.