I am very thankful to say we are back in Calgary! Hope was transferred around lunch time and was back in the Calgary PICU just after 2pm today. I made the long drive back with Sadie and Rachelle and went straight to the hospital to see Hope. We sat with Hope for a couple of hours, but eventually my exhaustion won and we headed home. I continued to pack boxes and try to get things organized around the house, but by 8pm I was on the couch and dead to the world. I'm not sure if I've ever felt so tired, I feel like I'm more exhausted than I was after an extremely long labour with Sadie!
I know that my body is physically tired and lacking sleep, but I'm fairly confident that the true exhaustion is emotional. Last week was extremely overwhelming and very draining. I wish that I was coming back to a relaxing life, sadly that's not possible with Hope...and a move! I'm hopeful that if I run myself ragged for the next few days, it will pay off by having some time to relax in the future? I'm sure it won't work out that way, but I can dream.
Tomorrow morning the transplant team will have their conference and make a final decision regarding Hope. We are anxious to have answers, but do not feel comforted by being listed for a transplant. Although it is what we believe she needs, it's not what we wanted for her. Please pray for Shawn and I as we begin to face that reality that our daughter needs a new heart in order to live. It's something we believed would happen when she was much older, but not when she was only a year old.
May 1st will mark a day of new beginnings for us, a new house and the wait for a healthy new heart. Please Lord, would you give us the strength to continue this journey with Hope? We are weak, but You are strong. We are tired, but You never tire and will always carry us through.