Thursday, 3 May 2012

Living on the Edge

We are truly living on the edge of a steep cliff and holding our breath most of the day.  It's never great when you ask the doctor what he will we do if our baby's IV fails and he tells you, "panic!"  The doctors have been very honest and genuine with us through this ordeal and we've really appreciated that.  They've let us know that they are being forced to make decisions with Hope that they normally wouldn't choose if they had any better options.  We truly are stuck between a rock and a hard place and we're doing what it takes to make it to the next day.

Hope is very uncomfortable with her breathing tube.  They are hoping to remove it tomorrow if her lungs dry up a bit more.  Please pray that her lungs dry up well through the night and she's able to be extubated tomorrow afternoon.  We've had a terrible time with IV's and lost our final one today.  By a pure miracle, an anesthesiologist was walking past and was able to get a new IV in Hope's foot on the 4th try.

Tomorrow we are booked to have a PICC line put in around 11am.  This is required for Hope to have a CT scan to further investigate her blood clot and to find out why the blood flow isn't normal in her SVC.  If the CT scan shows something that will need to be resolved surgically, we'll be here for quite awhile.  If it shows nothing, or some improvement, there's a better chance that we'd get back to Calgary sooner.  Whether that is one week or 3 weeks...we have no idea and the doctors aren't offering to make any guesses at this point.

My mastitis seems to be resolving, but my milk supply in that breast is not great.  This causes some awkward lopsidedness...I don't think that's in style right now!  I'm hoping it will get better and catch up with it's buddy but I'm not holding my breath. (TMI?)  I am truly thankful to not be in constant pain and free of fever and chills.  Praise the Lord for that being over and the need for IV antibiotics to be over as well!  I do need some prayer to have the strength to continue though.  I find pumping very tedious and have to push myself everyday to continue pumping for a little girl that isn't eating much!

Sadie is coming up from Calgary tomorrow with my dad and my brother.  They booked flights to Calgary to come and visit, but we are sadly not in Calgary.  They'll be road tripping up for a weekend visit with us.  At least they know we're emotionally unstable and will come ready to join the cry fest - you know what "rocks" those Kirk men are!  We're hoping and praying that our little one will get stronger each day and start to look better and make strides towards recovery from the infection.

Our doctors here have been great the last couple of days and have been communicating well with us, and we are thankful for the care Hope is receiving.  Please continue to pray for wisdom for the doctors, nurses and other medical staff that come in contact with Hope.  We really rely on their suggestions and recommendations when it comes to Hope's care and are trusting that God will guide them.


  1. My heart breaks for you guys. We just had our baby boy on 13th of April, and he was put in NICU, b/c of an infection. We had to wait 5 days to see if it would go away or if it was something serious, we also have two other one's at home. It was a long emotional five days being torn between those at home and being there for the new baby. Thank the Lord, our babies infection turned up to be nothing more than a mere infection and they sent us home after a week in the hospital.
    I saw so much in Neo natal, that made my heart break....for me our ordeal was enough to go through...and then Melissa gave me your blog, and my heart breaks..for the baby but also for you two...its so hard to go through..and the not knowing how things will turn....We will def be keeping your baby in our prayers along with both mom and dad, and I will be checking up daily for the good news (and wonderful amazing how it feels) of discharge!!!
    The Lord is able, and we are a blessed people ..there are so many people praying across the country/world for you...this really comforted us.God hears our cries...

  2. Love this song:
    God will make away, when there seems to be know way,
    He works in ways, we cannot see, he wil make a way for me,
    He will be my guard, hold me closely to his side,
    With love and strength for each new day,
    He will make a way, He will make away.

    I usually cry through this song, BUT it is truth! His ways are not ours, HE has this all under control, He alone!!
    God Bless and prayers are continued for you, your husband, your precious daughter, your Mom and Dad! What a blessing to have such a wonderful family to surround you all in this time!
    I am sure HOPE is feeling all your love!
    Blessings and prayers for you all!!!

  3. We're so with you in prayer and love. Grateful for that anasthesiologist, and praying for Hope today, for her lines - a picc line in particular, also praying for the right timing re. her breathing tube, for healing of any infection & chylothorax. Praying for you, for your milk supply and your perseverence in pumping. I know it's exhausting and frustrating to pump while she's not able to benefit from it right now... but it will be worth it. It will be. Before my little guy's second surgery, i had done research re chylothorax and breastmilk modification just in case, and while it's not protocol to use a centrifuge to separate out the fats from the milk, it IS possible (as if you need another battle to fight!). Praying for Sadie and for Shawn too.
    I remember when we were in our early days still in hospital, and we were carried by the prayers of others... as you are now. It's like when Aaron and Hur held up Moses' hands until Joshua and the Israelites defeated the Amalekites... Know that even those who don't know you personally, but are joined with you in faith - and in experience - are here, holding you up, and we will continue on until we see victory!
    Sending hugs and prayers.
    annie, paulie and miles in toronto

  4. Amy,
    You, Hope, and the rest of the family are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I am awed by your strength of character and of your faith. As an honorary 'big sister', I remember watching you turn from a child to the warm and loving woman, mother and wife that you've grown to be. Continue to have courage and know that God is watching over your family, just as your extended family is lifting you up in prayer.

    Love always,
    Kathy Slean (Farquharson)