Today, I dropped my mom off at the airport in the morning and then went over to the hospital. Seeing my mom depart was tough. I wouldn't have been able to make it to this point and still be standing without her. I've always been a pretty clingy child and want my "mommy" in life, but especially when life is tough. I was excited for my parents to be together again though. I know that this has been a huge sacrifice for both of them. Now I just have to keep myself from calling and begging them to come back too soon!
Today was the first day that I truly felt like Hope's mom. I can finally pick up my baby without asking for a nurse's help. I changed Hope's diaper for the very first time today, and I think I changed 5 or 6 by the end of the day! I was able to sit and rock her while I read out loud to her, sang to her or just watched tv. I was finally able to show Hope to a friend too. Shawn came with Sadie and we were able to visit as a family and, as I watched Shawn sit with both girls in his arms, I felt truly blessed.
I also experienced again, the pain of being a mom with two kids and only having one of me. Sadie had an accident at the house and burnt her hand. Shawn called me at the hospital and Sadie was screaming in the background in pain. My heart was ripped out of my chest as I wanted to run to her and be able to comfort her in that moment. There are many times that I long to be in two places at once, I want to be 100% there for both of my girls. I can only pray that we get home soon and I can have my girls in the same place all the time.
The cardiologist came to talk with me today and was very encouraging about Hope's current condition. She's doing very well and they plan to pull her NJ tube up to an NG tube tomorrow and start feeding her to her stomach for the first time. She was retching a lot less today - I think it only happened 2-3 times all day. If she feeds well and we conquer that battle...we could be home in 2 weeks. I'm trying not to get my hopes up...but they're up anyway!
Tonight Shawn and I sat down and worked out a schedule. I move into the hospital tomorrow to live in Hope's room. We worked out a schedule so that I can have dinner with my family a few nights a week, Shawn and I will have a date night and Sadie will be taken care of at home as much as possible. This would not be possible without Shawn's parents and our friends. We are truly blessed to have the support that we do and we want to sincerely thank everyone for standing with us.
Time for me to go and pack up my stuff. Your next update will come from Hope's room!
How exciting and yet heartbreaking. I know you will love to have so much time with Hope but yet hate to be away from Sadie! I am glad that you got to change some diapers and hold her! It is the little things. Thank you for continuing to share. It reminds me to pray for Hope and to also have a greatful heart even when I my patience is gone. Happy Mother's Day!
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