I feel like Debbie Downer and hope that you are not all tired of my lack of enthusiasm and upbeat attitude in my recent blog postings. On Wednesday, Hope will be 4 weeks old and I find this discouraging in many ways. I want to bring my baby home and be able to do things for her that I have yet to do; change her diaper, feed her, give her a bath and pick her up when she cries. At 4 weeks old, most mothers have a pretty good routine going with their new baby and have settled into life again. I want that.
Coming back to Calgary was exciting, as I felt like we were moving in the right direction. But that came to a screeching halt. The infection was an irritation that I could deal with, the return to the OR for a chest tube was tough, but the diagnosis of Chylothorax is down right depressing. It all delays Hope's release from the hospital and that is the hardest thing for me.
Chylothorax is a complication found after cardiac surgeries. It is a type of lung effusion and results from lymphatic fluid accumulating in the pleural cavity. It is one more thing that Hope's already "small" heart will have to fight in her body. Please pray that she will recover from this quickly and have no further complications! Please pray for strength and encouragement for me as I'm not taking this well and need to keep a positive attitude to get through the long days at the hospital.
As a result of Hope having these complications, her feeds have been stopped once again. I have the most incredible supply of breast milk that La Leche League could even dream of. Tomorrow we are purchasing a new deep freeze as I will be able to fill it with my milk alone! The hospital was unable to store the 5 boxes of milk that were sent back from Edmonton and sent 2 large boxes home with us already. When Hope is sent home one day, there will be a lot of milk from the hospital that will also be returned. It is frustrating to pump, have so much milk and not be able to feed it to Hope. The diagnosis of Chylothorax means that Hope will need to be on a special formula for quite some time and not able to have breast milk until it is resolved.
On a positive note, I found out that Calgary now has a milk bank and I should be able to donate the milk we won't be able to use. At least all the hard work won't end up down the drain!