We were woken up around 1am by the doctor in the NICU, she was calling to let us know that Hope's surgery for today had been cancelled after the blood cultures grew bacteria, 44 hours after being taken. I have finally reached the point of no longer being able to say that I'm frustrated, I'm angry. My heart believes that God has a plan and there is a reason for the numerous delays, but my mind does not understand and my emotional tank is on empty.
It's already 11am and we have yet to make it to the hospital. I feel no anger or frustration with Hope herself and I feel guilty that she misses out on time with us as a result of our situation. I just can't imagine another full day sitting in that horrible place and having such a difficult time holding her. The fact that her breathing tube is still in makes this all so much worse. I wish I had put up a huge stink and tried to force them to remove it on Friday, we could have had a weekend of snuggles with our little girl.
I don't know what to ask you to pray for, maybe sanity? I'm in shock that this is taking so long and I feel like I can't take it, but still want what's best for little Hope. We worry we'll be stuck in Edmonton until June with all the delays and that makes it more difficult. Shawn feels pressure to get back to work after taking the last 2 weeks off, but wants to be around for the surgery...whenever that is.
Pray that I survive today, one day at a time.