We were woken up around 1am by the doctor in the NICU, she was calling to let us know that Hope's surgery for today had been cancelled after the blood cultures grew bacteria, 44 hours after being taken. I have finally reached the point of no longer being able to say that I'm frustrated, I'm angry. My heart believes that God has a plan and there is a reason for the numerous delays, but my mind does not understand and my emotional tank is on empty.
It's already 11am and we have yet to make it to the hospital. I feel no anger or frustration with Hope herself and I feel guilty that she misses out on time with us as a result of our situation. I just can't imagine another full day sitting in that horrible place and having such a difficult time holding her. The fact that her breathing tube is still in makes this all so much worse. I wish I had put up a huge stink and tried to force them to remove it on Friday, we could have had a weekend of snuggles with our little girl.
I don't know what to ask you to pray for, maybe sanity? I'm in shock that this is taking so long and I feel like I can't take it, but still want what's best for little Hope. We worry we'll be stuck in Edmonton until June with all the delays and that makes it more difficult. Shawn feels pressure to get back to work after taking the last 2 weeks off, but wants to be around for the surgery...whenever that is.
Pray that I survive today, one day at a time.
Hi Amy,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know that you were prayed for by the congregation at CSC this morning, and Erin and I prayed together again after the service. We pray that God's angels stand guard around Hope and heal her infection. We pray for God to fill your empty tank and to carry you through today. May his peace guard your heart and mind. I am thankful that when we are weak, he is strong. May that provide some encouragement to you and Shawn today. We believe in God's perfect timing for this surgery and that he will sustain Hope until that perfect time arrives. May He sustain you as well.
Love Carla Rae
Oh Amy, I feel your frustration and disappointment. That is so discouraging. And I get what you are saying about knowing in your head and feeling in your heart - and how the two don't fit together. Through your frustration, there are people praying for you, when you just can't. It's okay to not be able to - the Body of Christ will carry you. That is part of our "job description"!
ReplyDeleteOh Lord. How do we pray? I thank you that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf. Even though I do not know this family - I pray Lord, that our prayers as friends, new friends, and just friends through this journey - will help to carry Amy and Shawn and little Baby Hope during this time of waiting. Lord, you are the great Physician, you ARE the great healer. You also give wisdom to doctors, and I pray that you would do that - and that the surgery could be done soon, so that this time of waiting for surgery will come to an end. Lord, please give them the strength needed in all areas - emotionally, physically, spiritually. In those times of wanting to say WHY GOD? I pray that you would bring peace that passes all understanding. And may that peace guard their hearts and minds Lord. Lord, please give them strength, and wisdom. And for little baby Hope. You Lord, know all about her and what is needed. Please Lord, help the doctors to be able to make surgery arrangements and give them wisdom to know how to help her. I pray little Hope will sense her mommy and daddy's love as they hold her. O Lord, hear our prayers. AMEN.
ReplyDeleteAmy and Shawn, we have never met - but facebook friends asked us to pray, and I am.
This is such a hard journey for you. You will continue to be in my prayers and on my heart.
Joy Klassen
Manitoba
Isaiah 40:29
ReplyDeleteHe gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the the weak
Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
May your strength be renewed according to his word.
Praying for you and sweet little your family!