Thursday, 16 August 2012

Time to Get Comfortable

At first I packed the essentials, and then I grabbed a couple of extras and now I have a lot of unnecessary things!  A nurse friend stayed here with Hope so I could go home and have dinner with my family tonight.  A huge gift as you cannot leave Hope unattended at all while she's here.  She is not on any monitors and a nurse comes in to check on her every 3 hours (unless she needs meds) and a doctor (or a group of them) come in a few times a day.  If Hope ever threw up, no one would know and she would choke until someone found her.  That would not be safe if it took 3 hours!  It’s just not possible to leave a child that cannot speak for themselves.  While at home I picked up MORE stuff that would make my new 'home' more comfortable.  My less embarrassed friend carried in my huge foam mat when I returned and helped me turn my terrible bed into a more comfortable place to sleep.  I'll need a Uhaul when I finally get out of here to take all my stuff home!

Today was another day of waiting, lots and lots of waiting.  We waited all day to see the GI specialists and after hours of discussing Hope's case, we got a report after 4pm.  The rest of the day was literally spent waiting in our room and visiting with the people we convinced to come and keep us company!  The GI specialists have ordered another ultrasound to look at more specific things and that will likely happen tomorrow or Friday.  They don't like what's happening with Hope's tummy and finally gave me the verdict, "you won't be leaving until Hope has her MRI."  Since the MRI has been booked for Tuesday, I know I'll be here for another week at least.  

Up until this point I've been really optimistic and strong, telling myself I'm not that bored and I don't need a good nights sleep to function.  I worked to convince myself that it didn’t matter if my house was getting unorganized and the beds weren’t being made each morning.  Today as I ran around my house and tried to get things ready and pack up some more stuff that I "needed", I hit my breaking point.  I managed to avoid a full break down as that won't help the situation, but I can admit that this is really hard on me and it's not that fun.  When I don’t have everything the way I would like it at home, I feel like life has spun out of control.  It’s a comfort thing for me to have my house in order.  I miss my family, I want to sleep in my bed and I can already see Sadie getting really clingy as the stability in her life is ripped away from her again.  I feel so torn as a mother and I feel really bad for Sadie, she just doesn't understand why her Mommy keeps moving out! 

God clearly has perfect timing.  My mom landed just a few hours after Hope was admitted and was able to jump in to care for Sadie each morning and get her over to the hospital so I can see her during the day.  We still have to have people take her from here for a few hours each day as she starts to lose her mind in the little hospital room.  On Friday, my mom will be flying back to Michigan and one of my best friends will be landing just minutes later!  Liz will be here until Tuesday and will be a complete answer to a prayer I had yet to speak.  It's not the visit I had planned to have with my mom or Liz, but God knew that I needed some company to stay sane and be strong for my girly.

The GI team confirmed that if Hope's problems are related to poor blood flow to her abdomen, she will receive a higher priority and would receive her Glenn surgery sooner than she would have.  This could mean we'd be back in Edmonton in September, a crazy thought!  I don't want to get too ahead of myself as we still don't even know what's wrong with Hope.

Thank you for continuing to pray for my family and especially for Hope.  Her magnets were made at the perfect time to remind you all to keep praying!  If you haven't gotten one yet...I'm pretty slow at getting things done right now, but I'll try my best!  Pray for Shawn as well, it's not easy to sit at work and be productive while your baby is back in the hospital and you don't get the minute to minute reports.  He also has a really hard time with the lack of cooking, cleaning and company that come along with a stay at home wife!  You should have seen his happy face when I served a home cooked meal that a friend dropped off for us on Monday, but we hadn't gotten a chance to eat until tonight.  We are truly blessed by our friends and can't thank people enough for feeding us and for taking care of our little Sadie and making her feel loved when we're not there.  Sadie got to have a special date at the mall with her Oma today, I know those times are important and we're lucky to have people around that love us.  Now it's time for me to curl up on my new and improved hospital bed...I'll let you know if I'm less stiff in the morning!

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you Amy - I am sure it's really hard to be brave 24 7 and remember, God counts your tears. You are an amazing woman! Never, never never give up!
    Love kd